Darkness was a friend, shadows danced with me at day and layers of black covered me at night. In me every emotion I was feeling, every decision I made was normal, I kept telling myself that I am doing just fine, that my back cannot be broken. Truth is inside the mirrors reflecting this darkness was starting to crack and slowly but surely my life turned and as the shreds of glass pierced my soul it started, slowly but surely I broke down.
I did not realise it at first until one by one I started feeling like people in my life, important people does not matter, that if left alone I would be just fine. I even had this plan of changing jobs and moving away just to start over, star afresh. That would mean no one would know me and I would not have to go through the effort of allowing anybody in again. Before long this dream too started dwindling, my work fell behind and problems became more noticeable in both my work and personal life. Not only was I burning bridges with others, I was burning up inside. In a matter of a few short months I destroyed almost everything. Work was still there but I had no motivation left to do it, family I still saw now and again was like bees chasing me. The words; just leave me alone became more present in my vocabulary.
It was during this time that he entered my life and I don’t know what it was but we just started talking, first online and then in person. At first I did not want to meet because when I heard the words bipolar and manic depression I thought to myself it is best to stay clear, after all look what I did to my other friends. Under no treatment at that time I decided to take the chance and what happened and is still happening in my life day by day is life changing.
If it was not for my partner who took my hand, understood my pain and went with me to psychologist and psychiatric doctors to get the necessary treatment I most probably would not have made it this far. Most people still turn a blind eye to bipolar and whether it is in fact real, trust me it is very real. The treatment never stops and it is a life long journey.
The important thing to realise is that it is not your fault, you are not sick in the head or crazy. Don’t refuse help because you are too proud or stubborn to do so, take the chance that is given to make the right choice. We all go through things in life and even though it may seems nice having darkness around you at that time, trust me the sun is much, much better. Make the most of what you have and enjoy life.
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