Depression is Weird

Depression is weird. It sneaks into a tiny crack in your mind, spawns like crazy, makes friends with Anxiety, and before you know it, the not-so-cute couple are in your head, and your head is in a bottomless pit. You don’t know quite how you got there, let alone how to get out.

But, slowly, you do it. There are footholds, and slips pretending to be footholds, but eventually, you make the treacherous climb. And when you get to the top? What next?

I feel like I’m at the top. I’ve climbed out of that miserable place, but I’m sitting right next to it, afraid to let it go. In an odd twist of life, the deep, dark, black hole became my comfort blanket. It became such a permeating part of my life that I don’t know what to do without it. Be happy? Be content? Oh, no – that’s not me.

What am I without my depression?

I know I am not the only person who feels this way. I also know it’s not all bad. Depression serves a purpose – it must – and I think it’s got something to do with our humanity in what can be a cruel and emotionally sanitised world.

And so, I will keep on creating, and keep on smiling, and, inch by inch, I will sneak away from the pit of depression the way it snuck into my mind.

Wish me luck.

9 thoughts on “Depression is Weird

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about. I am still climbing from that hole. Sometimes the surface is within reach, other times it seems a mile away. But I’ll keep going, because to let go and fall is unthinkable.

    Take care, Zee. You’re one of the best. 🙂

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    1. I agree. It is unthinkable – though I’ve thought about it before. So many of us are climbing out of our own forms of deep, dark, holes, its great to be able to support each other.
      And to have our art. Creative outlets help 🙂

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  2. You are so right Zee it does become like a comfortable friend that you can hide with. The fact that you have been able to break the ties with a friend that drags you down rather than uplifts you shows your courage. Take it one step at a time, facing the world again is difficult … Don’t be tempted to reach for that security blanket and old friend and when in need reach out to your new friends and writing. It is writing which has gotten me through of the most difficult of times xx

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    1. This is true 🙂 One step at a time is the way to take it,and writing, painting, and friends who understand are such a blessing through the process.
      Thank you for reading, and for your wonderful words xx

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    1. Thank you Inger. It was a beautiful post. It highlighted for me how mental health can be so similar and yet so unique for each of us. Thank you for sharing it with me xx

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  3. I so know what you are talking about! And it does take small steps to move away from it, unfortunately it is slight uphill. And when you go backwards, it feels like you are slipping into the abyss, but you aren’t. How much time it takes… goodness only knows, but you are winning Zee. Love and hugs to you x o x o x o

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    1. Thanks Karen 🙂 It does help to know its not just me, so it’s not because there’s something intrinsically wrong with me, or I have no willpower.

      But yes, we are winning, and I do believe it is possible to get out, and away from, the abyss entirely. Hugs! Xoxo

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