Week that Was: Admitting Defeat

No, no – I’m not giving up. But, I’ve reached the point where I can no longer deny that I am in the midst of a depressive funk.

It’s been chewing away at my brain for the better part of the year and I have been in all sorts of denial about it.

I realised last year that actually admitting I was in a bad place, mentally and emotionally, is absolutely the first step to moving forward. So here I am, admitting defeat and (hopefully) moving forward.

There are a number of reasons for this. I’ve been quite ‘closed, for various reasons, and found it easier to deal with life that way: close off from people, restrict emotions, don’t get depressed.

This works, but while I’m not feeling completely hopeless all the time, I’m also not feeling much else. You know, like happiness, or excitement, or good old Capricornian drive.

And I’m so, completely over it. I want to feel excited about my life again! To feel passionate about my stories (whether they be written with words or with a paintbrush), and to really, truly feel alive.

I have no idea how I’m going to do this, but I know I need to.

Admitting it is the first step. The next step?

I don’t know. But I feel a little bit better already πŸ™‚

6 thoughts on “Week that Was: Admitting Defeat

  1. When I find myself in similar situations I’m reminded of the feng-shui rule: Never say anything out-loud that you don’t want to be true. It’s not about being Polly Anna, but acknowledging the situation, yet knowing it’s an impermanent one, regardless how sucky it is. That means adding the words-‘right now’ to the end of the sentence. I’m in a funk, right now. I’m stuck-right now. I don’t have any money, right now.
    I don’t know, it just opens up the possibility that things will change, which makes me feel less stuck. It might not work for everyone, but it’s a method I often use.
    Hope you feel better soon:)

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  2. Funks really do suck, especially the ones that just go on. For me, the best way to generate excitement tends to be to focus on a project but on one where the stakes are low. Usually that means working on my Sims 2 hood and connected blog, because to me that’s a fun project where I have a lot of exciting plans but there’s absolutely nothing riding on my succeeding or progressing with it (except my own enjoyment maybe). Often going a bit myopic with something like that helps kickstart my enthusiasm again and then I can steer it back over to projects that are more important. But of courses we all function differently. Hope you can get out of the funk soon!

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    1. Well that probably explains why I’ve been gaming more often lol. And journalling – they’re low pressure activities but enough of a challenge to keep me going.

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  3. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. I find admitting it helps too *hugs*. Just take it easy on yourself, okay? It can take time, but you will find your way back. And we’re all here if/when you need us.

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    1. Thanks, Cassie. I guess a part of it has been the shouldism – I *should* be better than I am, so I’m just going to pretend until it’s true lol.

      Silly brain.

      But you guys’ support means the world to me. I’ve found my way out of tough spots before. I can do it again.

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