No, no – I’m not giving up. But, I’ve reached the point where I can no longer deny that I am in the midst of a depressive funk.
It’s been chewing away at my brain for the better part of the year and I have been in all sorts of denial about it.
I realised last year that actually admitting I was in a bad place, mentally and emotionally, is absolutely the first step to moving forward. So here I am, admitting defeat and (hopefully) moving forward.
There are a number of reasons for this. I’ve been quite ‘closed, for various reasons, and found it easier to deal with life that way: close off from people, restrict emotions, don’t get depressed.
This works, but while I’m not feeling completely hopeless all the time, I’m also not feeling much else. You know, like happiness, or excitement, or good old Capricornian drive.
And I’m so, completely over it. I want to feel excited about my life again! To feel passionate about my stories (whether they be written with words or with a paintbrush), and to really, truly feel alive.
I have no idea how I’m going to do this, but I know I need to.
Admitting it is the first step. The next step?
I don’t know. But I feel a little bit better already 🙂